You’ve heard it before: “Just be more confident.” As if confidence were something you could pick off a shelf and wear like a jacket. When you don’t feel confident, being told to act confident can feel hollow, frustrating, or even dismissive.
At The BWN, we get it. For Black women, confidence isn’t just personal. It’s political, cultural, and deeply emotional. We constantly navigate spaces that question our brilliance, downplay our contributions, and pressure us to shrink or overperform. When we discuss confidence, we’re not saying “fake it till you make it.” We’re talking about genuine, intentional self-possession. Practicing confidence externally can gradually build something unshakable internally.
Let’s explore what that journey really looks like.
Confidence Is a Practice, Not a Trait
Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s not reserved for extroverts or those with perfect upbringings. It’s a skill you develop over time.
Confidence means believing you are capable, worthy, and enough,even when you’re scared or uncertain. Even when you’re the only Black woman in the room and someone tries to speak over you.
It’s not about being loud or arrogant. It’s quietly affirming, “I belong here,” even if you must whisper it first.
Why Acting Confident Matters
Here’s the secret: your body and brain constantly communicate. Holding yourself confidently,chin up, shoulders back, voice steady,helps your brain believe it too.
This concept is behind “power posing” and behavioral therapy. Physical actions can shape emotional feelings. In a world that often doesn’t reflect our power, sometimes we must embody it ourselves.
Acting confidently isn’t about pretending. It’s choosing to lead with your highest self, even if she’s still finding her voice.
The Real-Life Impact
Consider everyday moments, like walking into a meeting as the only Black woman. Moments like these require real tools.
At The BWN, we recommend Michelle Obama’s “The Light We Carry.” She discusses fear, vulnerability, and self-doubt openly, reminding us confidence is a practice, not a given.
But What If You’re Not Feeling Confident?
Let’s keep it real,some days, confidence feels out of reach. That’s okay. That’s human. In these moments, turn to “Professional Troublemaker” by Luvvie Ajayi Jones. It’s a hilarious, practical guide to speaking up, being seen, and claiming space, especially in rooms not built for us.
Confidence Grows in Community
Confidence thrives in community. That’s why The BWN exists,to remind you that you’re not alone.
Surrounding yourself with Black women who reflect your brilliance helps you believe it too.
We love “You Are Your Best Thing,” edited by Tarana Burke and Brené Brown. This collection of essays centers Black voices exploring vulnerability, authenticity, and healing. It highlights that confidence can be soft, and vulnerability is strength.
Everyday Practices to Build Confidence
Here are seven simple ways to start building your confidence today:
- Talk kindly to yourself. Would you speak to a friend this way?
- Do one brave thing daily. Send the email, speak your truth, wear bold lipstick.
- Track your wins. Keep a confidence journal to note when you showed up despite fear.
- Stand tall. Body posture matters. Try power posing in the mirror for two minutes.
- Speak up. Share your thoughts unapologetically.
- Dress like your highest self. Wear what makes you feel unstoppable, even if nobody else sees it.
- Accept not everyone will understand. Your job isn’t to shrink for others’ comfort,it’s to fully be yourself.
Confidence Isn’t a Costume, It’s a Reclamation
When someone tells you, “just be confident,” remember you’re allowed to build it gradually. Confidence isn’t pretending to be someone else. It’s trusting who you already are and allowing her to lead.
For Black women, trust is sacred, generational, and revolutionary. It’s ours to own every day.
So walk into that room. Speak up. Say yes to yourself. Say no when you need to. If today all you can do is square your shoulders, breathe, and whisper, “I’m still here,” that’s enough.
That’s where true confidence begins.
Keep Building Your Confidence
Explore these empowering books to support your journey:
- “The Light We Carry” by Michelle Obama
- “Professional Troublemaker” by Luvvie Ajayi Jones
- “You Are Your Best Thing” edited by Tarana Burke & Brené Brown
- “More Than Enough” by Elaine Welteroth
